23 October 2007

Don’t envy sinners, but always respect the LORD. Then you will have hope for the future, and your wishes will come true. - Proverbs 23:17-18

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” - Romans 8:28

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “A plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11


23 October 2007, COLD

I’m trying so hard to do the right thing. I hate being selfish and I care about the feeling of others. For I know that I used to be very selfish. God has transformed me. Dad and Mom said I don’t have to work and they can still support me. But I’m so upset when they are still working so hard to give me and my little brother the best. Dad and mom are getting older. I just wish that they will accept God as their personal savior. I pray to Lord to protect my family, my grandmother and my relatives.

The council tax, rentals, bills, mobile phone, bus fares and food cost me so much money. The money I earn from Nando’s is not enough to cover all my bills. I feel stupid; it’s not a way to manage my finance. I feel pointless. I just wish to cut down my living expenses. It’s so hard to earn money. I will definitely think twice when I want to buy any clothes for myself. Haha… I know that I won’t leave this house at the moment because I don’t think Maria can afford the bills. I have to say especially the crazy council tax.

Driving lessons cost me a fortune! It’s absolutely very crazy and stupid. I don’t have a car to practice and I can only use Julie’s car to practice. 16 pounds an hour which is rm120 for an hour!! I know it’s wrong to change my driving license to HK driving license then to UK driving license. Come on! Drive safe! God, I pray that you will do miracles in me especially into my driving skills. I’m helpless. I am helpless indeed.

Looking back the times I was at university, I was so struggling with course works, exams, tutorials, presentation and of course dissertation. I had problems with assignment in my second and final year. God sent different people to give me help. Eugene helped me in a few assignments, Pahal helped me with my first tutorial homework, Lindsay helped me with the New Campus project, Johnson helped me with my dissertation, course mates helped me with most of the course works in final year. I still remember we could not submit the measurement on time. I was so worried; I cried in cell group, I did not have energy to carry on. Thank God for John being such a nice lecturer, he gave us permission to submit it late without deducting our marks. I got really high marks for this subject. For my measurement and technology course work, Chika made a terrible mistake. He miswrote my marks with David’s marks. I was very upset when I got the marks which is 39!!! I can’t to anything but believe that God will help me to work hard for my exam. Praise God I got 59 marks and not 39 marks. =)

After the economics’ exam, I wanted to go home and cried. It was so hard for me. I could not answer the exam questions at all. Course mates discussed their answers. Then we all went to have lunch to relax. I was not in a good mood. I was very worried and just couldn’t stop thinking of the paper. I cried in the bus, on my way home, at home, in my room for few nights. Haha… I cry a lot. Well, I got 50 marks for this subject. I passed! Thank God.

I got a 2.1 for my degree. I don’t think I can get it without God’s help. It was a hard journey. I went through a lot of hard times. With my hard work was not enough. I am not intelligent enough.

Here I am again. I’m seeking for a graduate job. I have been through at least 7 interviews with 5 companies. Those interviews were not success with different reasons. I applied for jobs online. There was not any response. I contacted my agents and no interview at the moment. I stopped applying for a week. I should not stop. But I did. Thank God and Stanley for giving me the opportunity to go to London for interview on last Monday. I’m waiting for the result now. I can’t do anything at the moment. I tried my best. It is really similar with exams. I study and go to exam halls. The result I get is from God. Here I am again. I prepared and went to interview. And God is the one who can make my dreams come true. I just wish that I can get this job in Inspace. I can’t do anything at the moment. I’m so helpless. I have no power. By God’s grace, I know that the only thing I can do is pray. I pray to God to bless me with this job in Inspace, just like how he blessed me in my studies.

In Jesus name I pray Amen.